Divine Metamorphosis [a belated post]

Have you ever felt in your life like you are the caterpiller? Cute & fuzzy. Colorful… Inching along the path of life. And then finding that perfect point in time and space to ‘cocoon’ in the hopes of discovering your own personal evolution. Growing. A redefinition of Self. Feeling your wings spread and the power of flight. Metamorphosis.

I am constantly amazed and deeply humbled by what life places in front of me. I feel grateful that  — more often than not  — my successes or ‘wins’ in life have not come without much preparation, focus and hard work. And as I believe we have all experienced, I sometimes fall short of those successes altogether! In any cases, just when I think I may have a nice handle on things; and that life is flowing in a way I can keep up  — I am inevitably challenged. Challenged to rethink Self. Challenged to step out of my comfort zone and into the unknown. Challenged to step up and become more of the person I  suppose I am destined to be. Challenged by the responsibilities and balance of this beautiful thing called Life.

With all that said, I am writing today choosing to share something very personal. A metamorphosis is certainly occuring within me — literally. Several weeks after my return from Hawaii with my hubby in April, I learned that I was pregnant! Although my husband and I have been together over a decade and have had many discussions about trying to have a child, the reality of such news instilled a time of deep processing. The news brought with it many emotions, a sense of disbelief at times, as well as a feeling of surrealism. And yet, at almost the exact moment of the confirmation of this news my eyes began to see the world very differently. I began to think differently. Time began to slow down. And my priorities certainly began to shift.

I have spent the last 7 years teaching yoga for fertility, integrating the work and knowledge into my personal life —  from diet and nutrition awareness to making changes in regards to personal care products and environmental impacts, and I, in many ways, do feel I am a walking testiment to the power of Strong Yoga4Fertility (yoga & lifestyle) methods. When all things are aligned, it almost feels like magic!

And…I am also human. So the statistics go: approximately 1 and 4 women who become pregnant suffer miscarriage. I am now a part of that statistic. In my 12th week of pregnancy, I showed the first signs of miscarriage. An ultrasound confirmed no heartbeat and 2 days later I was in the hospital having a D&C. It has been one of the most poignant experiences of my life to date. I am obviously very deep in the emotion and rawness of it all, right now. I am moving through the process of grief, right now. It is unfortunately something that many women experience within their time upon this earth. Like them, I seek to heal. And I, like other women in this same situation, seek support and the knowing that I am not alone. Which, in my heart, I do know. And I do feel; and have been feeling …

Many of you reading this are my current or past fertility clients. And I must express it has been such an honor to be a part of each of your individual journeys. Some of you have moved through your own metamorphoses. Perhaps you have had a child, or decided to adopt. Maybe you have experienced a miscarriage … or a few. Perhaps your life shifted in a way that you have become content with where you are right now, as it is. Maybe you, right now, are pregnant! And for many of you, I know you are still trying to conceive. Believe me when I say that I want nothing more than to see you all realize your dreams — whatever they may be. And I am rooting for you, always. I am always here for you, to answer questions, guide you in any way I can, come-what-may.

And so, I am continuing to teach this work (Yoga for Fertility) with an obvious whole new perspective. My hope is that this personally painful life experience will only enrich what I am able to bring forth and provide through my teachings, my knowledge and own experience of it.

As I evolve through this process, I am quite sure my teachings will, as well. I hope that we can share the journey in some form along the way.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: We Support One Another « A Circumference of Hope

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